This Way Out by Tufayel Ahmed

Author:Tufayel Ahmed [Ahmed, Tufayel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lake Union Publishing
Published: 2022-07-01T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

I arrive home just before 1 a.m. in a state of shock, humiliation and anger. I slam the door shut and storm over to the kitchen, sit at the counter and pour myself a glass of red wine. Every vein feels like it is bulging through my skin; my nerve endings are raw. I drink down the entire glass and top myself up. Of all the different scenarios I played out in my mind ahead of tonight, not a single one could possibly have prepared me for the way I was blindsided. I try to convince myself it was all a soap-like fever dream. But no, this was my own, very real, EastEnders nightmare.

I replay Josephine’s speech in my head – the sanctimoniousness of it, as well as the humiliation I felt – and become incensed. I can’t believe she aired my dirty laundry in front of my entire engagement party. Not only that, but that she dared to presume she has any idea about what I’m going through with my family. Her words turn over and over in my head. I know first hand how difficult it was for Joshua to come out to Mark and me, and what a shock it was for us. I slam my fist down on the counter. She doesn’t have the first clue how difficult it was for me, or the shock it caused. And to create a disingenuous false equivalence between my experience and Joshua’s – who, by all accounts, had the red carpet rolled out before him when he came out – galls me to the bone.

I recall bits and pieces from my memory, hazy as it is now, and work myself into more of a frenzy. We are so ecstatic to have you in our family and to have gained another son. Who the fuck does she think she is? I don’t need and nor did I ask for Josephine to extend her bony white-saviour arms to try to save me from my terrible life. I already have a mother.

I think of Mum now, closing my eyes. I am back in the hospital three years ago, the ward where Mum was admitted after complaining of a pain in her chest. She was diagnosed with a chest infection that caused her to have pneumonia. She’d been in the hospital for over a week, and Mina, Abed, Asad, Amira and I took turns to be by her side. Because of her lack of English, we didn’t want to leave her alone in the hospital, so we took shifts each day to stay with her. Even as she was unwell and tired, she tried to put on a brave face for us. I remember sitting by her bed, feeding her grapes as she talked about how it was time for me to get married. How, when she got out of the hospital, she’d begin the pursuit for a suitable bride. I guess by now she had deduced that Malika and I were completely platonic.

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